Recently I debated this point at my favorite bar. This is how it went down.
It’s HOT. Darn hot, damn hot, hotter than the crack of a fat lady’s ass. The air is so humid your skin feels like it’s covered in Saran Wrap. When you inhale it feels like you are sucking from a hair dryer. Welcome to summer in any northern city in America.
One of the best parts of my job is that I get to have deep conversations with friends and strangers about a host of topics related to the island life. All while enjoy a quality rum or cold beer. Many of these conversations can get very cerebral. Often, in order to outwit my opponent, I am required to call on my advanced degree that I otherwise never use. A conversation like this recently occurred. This is how it went down.
I was in my favorite beer bar (isn’t this how most of my stories begin?). It was almost 90 degrees (32.22 Celsius for my Canadian and European friends) and I was shivering cold from the a/c blowing down on me. Summer in the tropics. The guy sitting next to me at the bar, What’s His Name?, was from up north. He was glad to be heading home soon because it is just too hot here in the summer time.
So I said to What’s His Name?, I probably knew it for a moment but quickly forgot it, hold on one second what are you talking about? Summers in the north are far hotter than in the south. How can you say that? Let me share with you the highlights of my argument.
Let’s start with outside air temperature. Up front, I will concede that our average summer temperature can be up to 10 degrees warmer than most northern States. I will also give you that tropical summers lasts from May to September whereas up north it lasts from July to August. (Summer by our definition, it never gets cold anyway). In Maine, where I was born, summer fell on a Thursday last year, but that’s another matter.
We have established that our summers are hotter and we are hotter for longer. I’m still gonna win this point based on peak temperatures. Petty? I think not. It’s a rare day to see 100 degrees in Florida or the islands. At least along the coast. Orlando is for theme parks and tourist only so I don’t count them. Up north at the peak of summer, high 90’s and even low 100’s are common. When you live along the coast your temperatures are abated by the sea. It’s a double positive. How about we call it a draw on this particular point and move on?
Next, let’s talk inside air temperature. I’ve got this point won hands down. How many homes in the north have central air conditioning? Few to none that I’ve ever been in. The argument is why invest in a/c for a home in a cold climate when it is not needed all that often? Because when it hits 100 outside and and all you have are fans to keep cool inside life becomes unbearable. That’s why! Sex with a hot, smelly, slimy partner isn’t a big turn on either.
It can get down right hot in a northern home in the summer. I can’t argue the investment angle of installing central air but don’t go telling me you couldn’t live in the tropics in the summer when we rarely go over 90. Your house is so hot your beer is gets to warm to drink minutes after you pull it from the fridge. Seriously. On the flip side, those of us who live in warmth run our a/c all the time. And don’t give me that green environmentalist bullshit either. (Though I would like to see some businesses not keep their place so cold all the time.) We have a/c in our homes, cars, stores, businesses, everywhere. The only time you feel the heat is when your ass is in a floaty at the beach and we’re surrounded by bikinis. Now that’s HOT.
Such is the crux of my rant on summer heat. I’ll call my first point a draw. We both know I win on inside temperature. Now if it wasn’t for air conditioning I’d have to agree that it takes a special type of person to enjoy the tropical summer (a person like me) but those are few and far between.
Next time you want to head to the tiki hut and debate a deep thought, look me up. I’ll be glad to match wits with you anytime. As long as you are buying the rum.
Don’t forget to follow me and look at my bikini site:
Bikini Store: www.conchrepublicbikinis.com