20 Step Quiz – Are You a Tiki God(dess)?

If you recognize yourself it’s time to plan a trip to a beach and blow off some steam.

Living a life focused on the islands can be taken too far.  Or can it?  I’ve always believed that anything worth doing, is worth doing to excess.  That got me thinking about some of the funny things my beach bum friends do and how they live their daily lives when they can’t be in island vacation mode.  So I created this top 20 list. Take the quiz and count how many items on it could be mistaken as you.

A perfect day in Kauai

A perfect day in Kauai ©2011 Carlton Grooms

  1. You wear your sunglasses every day though you haven’t seen the sun in six weeks.
  2. Your cellphone ringtone is Zac Brown’s, “Toes in the water, ass in the sand.”
  3. You think key lime pie is the finest dessert ever invented.
  4. You consider coconut rum proof there is a God and he loves you.
  5. Your travel agent has reported you as a stalker.
  6. You shower in your bikini (or board shorts) and take two shots of tequila in with you.
  7. You know who Tambo and John are on No Shoes Radio.
  8. You stopped surfing porn and now know the best sites for new tropical wallpaper for your laptop.
  9. Rum Shop Ryan has put you on his spam list for commenting on all his Caribbean posts.
  10. You drink coffee from a Tiki glass, and always with Rum Cream.
  11. Your friends beg you to make them your special margarita.
  12. You have a dress pair of flip-flops and special occasions T-shirts.
  13. You seek out karaoke to sing Marley’s, “Smile, You’re in Jamaica”.  Even though you suck (and you know it).
  14. You consider your excessive rum drinking practice.
  15. You forget to buy milk and eggs but never forget the limes.
  16. You only drink beer from a clear bottle.
  17. You have the largest collection of Koozies in your town.
  18. You think the Bimini Ring Game is the finest ever.  You practice every day.
  19. You carry a Lonely Planet Guide to the Caribbean like a Minister carries the Bible.
  20. You actually read this article.
Bali Sunset

Bali Sunset ©2010 Carlton Grooms

Scoring results:

1-5 Under Achiever. You seriously consider yourself a sun lover?  You probably don’t even own a bikini.

6-10 Apprentice.  Keep at it and surround yourself by more rum soaked people like us, you’ll get there.  This may also be your last chance to bail out!

11-15 Salty Soul.  Congratulations you’ve arrived.  You embrace the simple qualities of life, fun people and a cold beer at 5 o’clock.

16-20 Tiki God.  May we all endeavor to realize a life so free of stress as you.  Just don’t pickle your liver in the process and you’ll live to 100.

Feel free to add to the list in the comments below.  While I’m waiting, I think I’ll grab a rum.


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10 Responses to “20 Step Quiz – Are You a Tiki God(dess)?”

  1. pinky May 20, 2011 at 8:14 am #

    Haha! I knew it!! I am a Tiki God!! :) Glad someone helped me verify that! 😉

  2. pinky May 20, 2011 at 8:16 am #

    Correction….*Goddess!! 😉 spell check didn’t like it the first time….

    • Carl Grooms May 20, 2011 at 8:25 am #

      I knew I liked tailgating with you for some reason :)

  3. RumShopRyan May 20, 2011 at 9:17 am #

    Great post! Scary how many of these flirt with the truth for me. Thanks for the shout out. Cheers to the weekend my friend!

    • Carl Grooms May 20, 2011 at 9:57 am #

      Ryan, I’d like to say I spent days of creative reflection to create the list but . . . It sort of came together in 30 minutes by looking in the mirror. What did Hemingway say? “You can’t write about life if you haven’t lived it.” My mantra. And I know yours as well.

  4. Shawn Martin (smdmartin) May 20, 2011 at 9:39 am #

    So what makes me a salty soul some of my friends and family just consider odd behavior; and some may actually consider problematic, lol. I see nothing wrong with a little rum in the coffee in the morning.

    • Carl Grooms May 20, 2011 at 9:59 am #

      Shawn Jamaican Rum Cream in coffee is amazing. I can’t find it in the US. Cruzan has a good one but isn’t quite what the Jamaican brands deliver. Just can’t remember the actual company but if you ever see some, jump at it.

  5. BigKahuna December 5, 2012 at 5:13 pm #

    IF I could get a little respect from enjoying a beer from a proper glass, and extra credit for actually been blocked by RumshopRyan’s Cell carrier, and having a bottle of O’Rileys Rum Cream (My Favorite from Jamaica) in the fridge, then I’d have a perfect score!
    Also… I thought Cruzan quit producing their rum cream???

    • Shawn Martin
      Shawn Martin December 6, 2012 at 10:58 am #

      Big Kahuna=Tiki God brother. And why are you blocked on Ryan’s cell carrier?

  6. BigKahuna December 6, 2012 at 11:24 am #

    HA! That was a joke… I only text him around 30 times a day…. Well… maybe not that much… but Still. Stalker it is!

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